careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
