he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
