I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
