I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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