I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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