i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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