life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
