if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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