so that wasnt chicken after all
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
