i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
