just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
