Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
