I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
