Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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