I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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