Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
