so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize