just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i love accidental penises.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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