Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
