Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
