Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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