She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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