Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
