you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
