Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
