Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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