I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
