why didn't you poke me back
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
