can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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