Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
