was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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