I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
