I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
