Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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