I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Congratulations! We have a period
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
