Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
