I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
