Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me

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  (410): cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me http://tfl.nu/jebo
  Replies (11) Good night (590) Bad night (2097)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone

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  (248): I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone http://tfl.nu/ll67
  Replies (46) Good night (6852) Bad night (2120)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom

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  (317): One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom http://tfl.nu/vjva
  Replies (14) Good night (1521) Bad night (3585)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever

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  (434): The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever http://tfl.nu/goyi
  Replies (22) Good night (7737) Bad night (1232)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

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  (503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m
  Replies (8) Good night (4409) Bad night (1023)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  He just wants an even tan

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  (860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9
  Replies (18) Good night (4192) Bad night (1142)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro

  (773): View more from Illinois

  yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?

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  (708): is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro (773): yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house. (708): how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience? http://tfl.nu/hgr9
  Replies (10) Good night (5306) Bad night (771)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.

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  (604): He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there. http://tfl.nu/lavl
  Replies (10) Good night (2023) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

  (253): View more from Washington

  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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  (360): Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone. (253): you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker. http://tfl.nu/ov6f
  Replies (3) Good night (2593) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.

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  (405): I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation. http://tfl.nu/hpn0
  Replies (2) Good night (1251) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.

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  (586): We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard. http://tfl.nu/e4oz
  Replies (4) Good night (1142) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.

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  (406): He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame. http://tfl.nu/fkng
  Replies (8) Good night (619) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.

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  (610): Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow. http://tfl.nu/yt6q
  Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid

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  (401): I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid http://tfl.nu/h4z6
  Replies (5) Good night (531) Bad night (189)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.

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  (308): I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault. http://tfl.nu/fi8o
  Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (203)

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