Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.