Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.