Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery

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  (281) wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery http://tfl.nu/mwr2
  Replies (6) Good night (1862) Bad night (1153)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.

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  (563): I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers. http://tfl.nu/uen6
  Replies (6) Good night (929) Bad night (506)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much

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  (817): So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much http://tfl.nu/mbp8
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (2127)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

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  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
  Replies (32) Good night (1375) Bad night (2865)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.

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  (509): I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120. http://tfl.nu/oklb
  Replies (19) Good night (1152) Bad night (4970)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you

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  (517): Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you http://tfl.nu/77p0
  Replies (22) Good night (5286) Bad night (620)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

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  (215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9
  Replies (44) Good night (7087) Bad night (1104)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

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  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (11242) Bad night (2481)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.

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  (401): I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs. http://tfl.nu/di07
  Replies (8) Good night (3581) Bad night (1376)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.

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  (804): we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close. http://tfl.nu/c6b4
  Replies (12) Good night (6106) Bad night (677)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.

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  (316): He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over. http://tfl.nu/vzgx
  Replies (5) Good night (629) Bad night (1617)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.

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  (519): Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud. http://tfl.nu/laot
  Replies (20) Good night (1856) Bad night (884)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule

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  (863): I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule http://tfl.nu/m3mw
  Replies (3) Good night (1007) Bad night (482)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.

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  (410): If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board. http://tfl.nu/zly7
  Replies (4) Good night (898) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.

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  (619): my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder. http://tfl.nu/2kgi
  Replies (4) Good night (418) Bad night (159)

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