I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
