First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
