i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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