Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
