Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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