She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
