evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
