Kiss
Puke
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
