Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people