Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.