Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed

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(480): allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed http://tfl.nu/9co8

Replies (14) Good night (1196) Bad night (708)
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(631): View more from New York

i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon

(1-631): View more from New York

been there done that

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(631): i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon (1-631): been there done that http://tfl.nu/mjyl

Replies (13) Good night (2358) Bad night (793)
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(917): View more from New York City

She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?

(646): View more from New York

Lmao what?

(917): View more from New York City

It's a yes or no question.

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(917): She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms? (646): Lmao what? (917): It's a yes or no question. http://tfl.nu/ypn0

Replies (20) Good night (5292) Bad night (1479)
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(817): View more from Texas

I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

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(817): I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/7tmi

Replies (36) Good night (9575) Bad night (1173)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.

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(709): i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk. http://tfl.nu/5r6v

Replies (4) Good night (2697) Bad night (1081)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.

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(314): Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly. http://tfl.nu/f0vi

Replies (10) Good night (2496) Bad night (943)
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(514): View more from Quebec

I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.

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(514): I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari. http://tfl.nu/cpgv

Replies (6) Good night (856) Bad night (1268)
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(310): View more from California

Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?

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(310): Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK? http://tfl.nu/84zy

Replies (11) Good night (1681) Bad night (681)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

Aren't they always?

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(610): My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit" (1-610): Aren't they always? http://tfl.nu/6oqg

Replies (1) Good night (1662) Bad night (792)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there

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(501): Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there http://tfl.nu/0rjt

Replies (8) Good night (1127) Bad night (529)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

NoShamevember. You game?

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(615): NoShamevember. You game? http://tfl.nu/f24z

Replies (3) Good night (1097) Bad night (522)
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(562): View more from California

There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.

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(562): There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph. http://tfl.nu/ubbg

Replies (6) Good night (1098) Bad night (395)
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(618): View more from Illinois

There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.

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(618): There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister. http://tfl.nu/tdo0

Replies (7) Good night (1517) Bad night (741)
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(916): View more from California

She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.

(510): View more from California

See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed

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(916): She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true. (510): See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed http://tfl.nu/tsp4

Replies (1) Good night (956) Bad night (345)
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(510): View more from California

I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...

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(510): I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night... http://tfl.nu/bk6r

Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (281)

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