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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

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• (212): View more from New York

  yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam has been drinking

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Who has his phone

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam does

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• (210): View more from Texas

  he referred to my room as the tit cave...

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  To be honest, kinda.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.

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• (619): View more from California

  Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight

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