i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
