what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
