Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
