I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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