we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
