i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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