What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
