I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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