he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
