Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
