all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
