Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
