I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
