There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please come you make the beer taste better
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
