I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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