what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
