Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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