I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
