hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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