Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
