saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
