P.S. I can't hear my feet
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
