Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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