dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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