I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
