There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
