where does the pee come out of this thing
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
