i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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