He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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