New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
