she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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